The love I think I deserve. Random song #7

Feet don't fail me now
Take me to the finish line
All my heart, it breaks every step that I take
But I'm hoping at the gates,
They'll tell me that your mine
Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design
I feel so alone on the Friday nights
Can you make me feel like home, if I tell you're mine
It's like I told you honey
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don't why
Keep making me laugh, Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime
Come take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girl insane, so
Choose your last word, this is the last time
Cause you and I, we were born to....
Loving each other only for a while

The love with you that I think I deserve, I don't deserve it now.
I'll keep it to myself. I'll keep it till Jannah. I will.

P/s: Lana

When sleeps at night become hard to fall

SubhanAllah, hanya cinta manusia

Hebatnya rasa yang telah Kau kurnia

Bagai satu beban buat ku untuk dilupa

Hanya cinta manusia

Hatta, aku berdosa

Tenggelam imanku dibuatnya

Jiwa ragaku hilang arahnya

YaAllah, Engkaula yang maha berkuasa

Ampunilah dosa hamba

Hanya cinta manusia

Ku imbas kembali kenangan

Bagai mimpi tidak diimpikan

Ombak ganas dan ribut taufan

Penuh sesalan

Namun, sayang, sayang, sayang, seribu kali sayang

Sukar untuk dihilangkan

Bagai ingin ku peluk segala bayang

Bila terlalu berat tidak tertanggung nya rindu

SubhanAllah, hanya cinta manusia

Doa ku usung dalam setiap malam ku

Agar kau bahagia hendak ku.

Random Song #6 & Efforts #2

Early was the morn, flowers filled with dew

I became somebody through loving u

Softly as a child born in natural rain

I predict the season to go unchanged

Sometimes in life u run across a love unknown

Without a reason it seems like u belong 

Hold on dear life, don't go off running what's new

I became somebody through loving u

Warm was the sun that covered my body so

Reminded me of u as I'd first known

Those were the days, the days that changed my life

and made me knew, I became somebody through loving u

As the sun shines down on me 

I know with u and love is where I want to be

but I have to go on through life

Thinking that love with u is something that's not meant for me

~

Everything I had thought, u had thought it differently. My biggest mistake 

was to let myself grew around u without thinking that someday this is going to end.

And now it has ended, in a way I have never imagined it. 

I remember the text u sent to me, I remember it clearly. How my hands were searching.

Searching for something rigid to hold on to, as the ground I step on were like shaking.

and how my eyes were glazing like diamonds in tears. That night was one night I have never 

imagine. There was nothing going on between us, no fights, no misunderstanding, nothing.

Maybe that was it, there were really nothing happen between us anymore. 
but u dont want to sit and talk, discuss this matter, u just go on and made the decision ur own.

We were far apart, and........ I don't know. But it happened, u've sent me that text.

The hard part was I have to listen to people talking, some were false, some were true maybe.

I don't know. A wide and varied version of stories that I have to take. And I have to act 

that everything was fine and I'm okay, certainly. There were so many things that I don't know

and I have to hear them from others. Hurtttttt... But it's okay.

~

Fragmenting memories

The voice, the husky voice

The laugh, oh the laugh

I miss u

Efforts

Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you've seen them, it's about that every moment when you're doing something and wishing they were right there with you. I am admitting that moving on from all of these was the hardest. I don't know why but it has
a lot of impact on me. My life, my routine, my perspective. Everything had changed. I've been 
hurt.I hurt. I've changed. I grew. Trying to accept what you don't want is very hard I tell you. 
But maybe it's what I need. Allah knows best. He's the creator.Why must I object what 
He had planned for me. Move on Maira. 
Maybe he is not what you need even though he is what you want. Reallyyyyy want.

One of the efforts that I have to do is, to fragment the memories in my mind, so it's easier to
 forget

Physically:

The perfect height

The perfect eyes

The perfect skin tone

The perfect walk

The perfect hands

The perfect lips

The...the perfect eyes, when I close mine I see yours

I miss you :(

Behind Smiling Faces

Behind my smiling and happy faces, lies a very deep shit of sadness.

Reblogged

I don't mind being called desperate and embarrassing and pathetic, the ex who couldn't move on, the ex who continued hoping. I was once yours and there have never been any secrets kept between us. You knew very well how not so good I am with keeping to myself whatever I feel.

 Every single day since day one when we ended our love affair, I've been battling the familiar emptiness that I haven't felt for quite a long time. I was so used to having you around that even when we are not physically together, I am at peace knowing that you're just at the other end, waiting to be needed.

Do you know it breaks my heart seeing you doing just fine while I bled and hurt inside? To realize that I'm the only one suffering and being haunted by memories and being lulled by tears to sleep at night. You probably don't even know how pathetic I think of myself every time I make and then break my own rules and self-imposed limitations. I try not to talk to you, not to smile at you, not to even look at you and I always end up swallowing my own crap.

Everybody's telling me to just move on and forget about you. That's like a stab in the flesh, through and through. They don't understand how hard it is for me. That moving on are not just words but actions needing a lot of energy to expend on.

Yes, it's almost been a year and look, here I am, still wallowing on misery. They say a person's just supposed to feel pain for 5 minutes. At the rate of how I'm doing, the pain's too tremendous that I couldn't just get over it. I just can't.

I don't know if I miss you or I love or I need you. Cos even if I figure that one out I'd be in deep shit anyway. So I think it's better that I think of you this way so things can get back to the way they were when you weren't part of the big picture.

P/s: The best acting is when you successfully lie to everyone that you're happy. That is what I am doing right now and I think I have done it successfully. I should get an award for best actress.. heuheu..

Random Song #5

Chest to chest, nose to nose
Palm to palm, we were always that close
Wrist to wrist, toe to toe
Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose

so how come when i reach out my fingers
it feels like more than distance between us?

Eye to eye, cheek to cheek
Side by side, you were sleeping next to me
Arm in arm, dusk to dawn with the curtains drawn
and a little last night on these sheets

so how come when i reach out my fingers
it feels like more than distance between us?

in this California king bed
er're ten thousand miles apart
i've been California wishing on these stars
for your heart on me, my California king

Just when i felt like giving up on us
You turned around and gave me one last touch
That made everything feel better
and even then my eyes got wetter

So confused wanna asked you if you love me
but i dont wanna seem so weak
maybe i've been California dreaming

California King Bed

11 Days after Birthday

Dear You.

Thank you, thank you so much for celebrating my birthday. though i didnt knew u were going to take me out to lunch and celebrate my bday. its sweet and i appreciated it so much. thank you, thank you for being there for me, at my hardest time, thank you so much. Eventhough, i really didnt know what this means, what it meant for you, but its ok, i'll go with the flow. even if we are not meant to be together soon, i'll be ok, insyAllah.

You look so happy, mengalahkan bday girrll yawww!

Memoria

I remember tears streaming down ur face

when i said i never let u go

when all those shadows almost killed ur light

I remember u said, don't leave me alone

but all that's dead and gone and passed.

I live in my own fairytale, so that i'm able to live like everybody else

Get Your Ass back Home

Image by love

Now i don't care what u did or what u're doing rite now

I don't know what you want

I don't know where u're going

I don't know if u were lying or you were saying the truth

i don't care, I DON'T CARE

Cause my feeling towards you is beyond that

I don't know why, i keep denying this but its true

I never give up loving you

I keep you close too close

my heart fills with love and hatred

I don't care what u're after

I don't care why you're leaving me

i don't care. JUST REMEMBER UR WAY BACK AND GET YOUR ASS BACK TO ME

Cause I am damn selfish! and i'll be waiting for you, you know where i left the key to my heart.

Got drag by emotion

Ya Allah, ampunkan hamba mu ini kerana terlalu mengikut emosi

Sesungguhnya apa yang Engkau takdirkan tentu ada hikmah disebaliknya

Ya Allah ampunkan aku dan ampun kan dia

Jika dia benar benar untuk ku, Engkau kekalkan la kasih sayang ini

Amin